remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
