my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
