Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
