there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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