We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
