What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
