weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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