what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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