Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
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