I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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