called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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