i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
