I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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