I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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