do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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