I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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