It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
