I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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