Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
