Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
