Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
