He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize