the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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