If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The beer is more important than you right now.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
