i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
