i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize