don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
