i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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