3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i dont even know how to be here
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
