He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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