Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
