the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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