That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
