Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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