i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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