Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
