just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
