all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize