I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
