brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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