He uses pillows to masturbate.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just found puke in my bra..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Randomize
