Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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