That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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