I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
