Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
