It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
