and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
