btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
