help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
