Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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