It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He kissed a someone with a penis
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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