Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
