He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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