Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
