Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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