Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize