I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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