like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
