Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
