The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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