your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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