Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
In America we eat man semen.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
