I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
